Friday, September 17, 2010


I made boiled peanuts in the crock pot and forgot to put the salt in.  They are SO BLAND.  Yuck.  And I had some cake and that's not good.
I'm hungry and keep eating cake.  I need to stop that.
I think I might order Jimmy John's.  But I bet I'll eat more cake.
I wonder why I'm doing this.  It's not like I haven't been working really hard, and it's not like I want to lose almost 50 pounds.  So what's up?
Okay, maybe I'll get some real food.  I'm also behind on my water as usual.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Well, fuck.

I have to do something about that house in Atlanta.  It is causing no end of trouble.  I really loved the house when I was living there but now it's just a nuisance.  I don't even know what to do about it.  I want someone to move in there and buy it from us.  I wonder how I can make that happen.
Well, the weekend after this coming one I'll go over there and have people get the rest of our stuff out, and then the person living there can figure out what she's doing and I guess she's leaving too.  I really was hoping that something would work out.  
I'm just so annoyed and frustrated.  This isn't how things were supposed to work out.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010


I am being a slacker.  I want to catch up so will try to post again later.  It's going to take me a few days but I'll get there.
My therapist didn't put my appointment in her calendar so I went to her office and waited for 40 minutes, listening to her client, who had the most annoying voice.  I couldn't hear what she was saying, but the way she was talking was so weird!
I have a headache.  I think it is tension.
I want to lose 3 pounds before Thursday but I don't know if that's possible.  I doubt it but I'm so close to my pre-pregnancy weight.
Going to knit for the rest of the day, I think.
I'm also going to take something for my headache.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Digging a Hole

I am a bad person. 
I want to do the right thing and then I fuck it up and what the hell am I thinking?
I'm really mad at myself.
I will make things right and I will start doing and stop just thinking about it.
It's late.  I need to go to bed.
And when I wake up in the morning I will figure things out.
Why do I do such stupid things?
Why can't I just be responsible and own up?
Where am I going in this life?  I want things to start working out.  I want to stop feeling like I'm horrible.

Way behind again

Wow, now I'm even further behind.  Well, I'm back.  I've gotten some stuff accomplished but still no resolution to my money worries.  I have to get that figured out before tomorrow.
I'm going to clean and organize and craft today.
And I'm going to drink water and eat clean.  
I want to have things looking good by Thursday for Max's party.  I can't believe he'll be three!
I'm getting close to my pre-pregnancy weight, which was still too high but I'm going to make it before I get pregnant again.
I think I'll be doing the 15/15 today, since that way I can do some fun stuff and work stuff and feel productive.
I wish I were inspired to write, but I'm having trouble with that at the moment.  I need to just suck it up and do it already.  

Wednesday, September 8, 2010


I have a headache.  Didn't fax the stuff to Chase but I'll do it in the morning.  I am pissed that they act like now it's all urgent when they didn't even bother calling me to let me know they were missing things, and now they've found one of the things they said they were missing.  I really dislike them.
I have cramps and a headache.  I took some Aleve and I'll go to bed soon.
Having coffee with an old friend in the morning, and then Max has the Fun Bus and we're going to Daddy's in the afternoon.
I am hoping I'll see a loss on the scale tomorrow but never expect anything.
I wish I could get myself motivated to exercise again.  I'm going to figure that out.
I'm going to bed soon so I'll have to catch up my last entry tomorrow.
I made a necklace and a bracelet today.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Back for seconds

Well.  Now I'm really hungry but I don't really want to eat anything.  I wonder what I could have for a tiny snack.  

I finally cut my fingernails.  And I am going to go to bed early tonight.  Well, earlier.  I can't believe tomorrow is Wednesday and ANTM is starting again.  

I really wanted to get Jimmy John's tonight but I didn't get it.  I wasn't hungry.  

I guess I'll go see about finding something to eat that won't totally fuck up my diet.

Feeling dizzy

I feel weird.  And I am pretty sure I'm going to get my period tomorrow.  But I'm not feeling all crampy anymore.  Oh well.  I really was hoping I'd be pregnant.
I emailed my dad and stepmother and told then I wanted to see them more regularly.  
And I went to Walgreen's and got some nail polish crap.  And more nail clippers.  
I had therapy this morning and that was good.  

Tomorrow I will go to EarthFare I guess.  I don't need anything yet but I will need milk.  I wonder what the coupon is going to be.  

I'm behind on my water.  Maybe I'm feeling weird because I haven't eaten much and I didn't get enough sleep.  Also I'm sure that this constant worrying about money isn't worthwhile.

I have to drink more water so I can take my stupid fiber pills that don't seem to work.

I talked to a friend whom I hadn't heard from in awhile, and another friend wants to meet for coffee this week and that's nice.  So I feel like I'm doing something right.

Well, I'm going to think about things and then maybe I'll post another entry, since I'm trying to catch up.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Starting to catch up

I will write a couple of entries each day to catch up.  I really don't like being behind.  I haven't been writing enough.  No fiction, no blog entries.  I am just not doing anything and it's not working for me.

Today I'm going to do some stuff.  I want to exercise, but I have to wait until SKD gets home.  And I want to make some stuff.  That I can do right now.  I also want to write and I can do that but I just don't know what to write.  I feel so uninspired.  And I know that shouldn't matter but it does.

Well, I'm going to do some stuff and feel like I've accomplished things.  Maybe next week on Tuesday or something I can go over to Atlanta to move the stuff.  I bet I'll be able to arrange that.  I just want it over with and I want to feel like I can move on.  I'm going to go through some stuff in that other room.  I can do that right now.  I want to feel like I'm not letting myself down and I want to live in a nice environment, not the shithole I've created.  At least the living room still looks pretty good.  

Okay, time to get some stuff done now that I'm all stressed out.

Way behind

Well, crap.  I am pretty sure that the power got cut off at the Atlanta house but I'm so fucking tired of the person living there not bothering to get in touch with me, and why in hell am I paying the utility bills and why is my husband covering the mortgage when she isn't paying anything?  I'm so angry at her right now.
I don't have any money and I am so stressed out about it.  I don't want to have to worry about her money as well.  I guess I'm going to have to find a time to go over there but I don't think it will be happening until my mom gets back.  I guess I'm going to try to get some people to move out all the rest of the stuff there.
Ugh.  I'm so mad about this.  Fuck.

I really need money and I need to not have to worry about it all the time.  I am going to make money and I am going to have enough to be comfortable economically and SELF-SUFFICIENT.

I'm so upset now.  I don't have it in me to be living this stressed out all the time.  It's just not working.  And I don't know what to do about it.  I am so angry.  I don't deserve this crap.  I'm really glad no one is reading this right now.  

I thought she was my friend.  I guess not.

Thursday, September 2, 2010


We went to Becky's this morning, fun as usual.  I was up half a pound which made me mad but I'll live.
I had a horrible headache which went away and then came back but now seems to have gone away again.  But I have no energy.
Max was really cranky but after some snuggle time seems to be feeling happier.
I am kind of hungry but I don't feel like eating anything, nor do I feel like drinking my water.
I think I'll start making something or working on something today.  I wish my beads would hurry up and get here.
I am really happy with my new lamp.  I think I'll see if it fits on the mantelpiece.
Have to finish Hornet's Nest today so I can give it back to Alice tomorrow.  

Wednesday, September 1, 2010


I feel kind of crampy but it's way too early for that.  But I'm expecting the worst at this point.
Went to JoAnn's and got bead stuff and glitter and floss.
We also went to the grocery store.  I'm going to make chicken salad with the rotisserie chicken I got.
I made some coconut oil and cocoa stuff but it tastes too much like cocoa to be really good.  That's kind of disappointing but we'll see.
I ate well today and have been drinking my water for the most part.  I have the last bottle to drink.
I don't have much else to say and I'm going to sleep pretty soon I hope.